just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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