So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
