Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
