i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
