dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
