please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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