After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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