why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
