@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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