How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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