Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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