it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
