The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
