...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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