Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
