Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
