Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
