There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
