We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
