Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
