He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
