I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
