Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
