My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
