im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
