I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
