Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
