Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What a dumb baby whore.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
