you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
