I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
