Define "chronic" masturbator.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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