Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
