If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
