You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
