Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
