she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
