I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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