im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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