i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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