Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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