Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
