I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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