Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
