wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
