why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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