i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They are going to name an STD after you.
did i just pee glitter
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
