You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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