i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
