I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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