the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
