You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
