so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
