1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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