dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Someone shattered a urinal.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
