he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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